WOULD YOU RATHER (week one)

ok i'm not waiting for approval on this, i'm just going for it! read the post below this to understand!

ok, your first would you rather is this:

WOULD YOU RATHER....(drum roll)

(we'll keep it simple this week)

BE DEAF

OR

HAVE NORMAL HEARING, AND HAVE TO HEAR PEOPLE'S THOUGHTS, ALL THE TIME!

I will tell you my answer on next weeks would you rather, that way i can't bias you.

so , again, rules are

-you can't say "i don't know"

-you can't say "neither"

-you can't say "both"

-you can't say dumb things like "deaf, i'd just go buy a hearing aid and then i wouldn't be deaf anymore, hehehe". no, if you're deaf, you're deaf, and you can't change the situation.

k now i wanna hear answers! ready, go!

p.s. YOU HAVE TO DO THIS, it's not optional. :)

Holy cow.

yes, i am now the worlds worst blogger. k, not the worlds. i see some people who update like 3 times a year. but gall, look at me. i have stuff to post too, like our epic-fail sea world/disney land trip, and christmas eve, and christmas...blah so much work! see, this is how i am now..LAZY & unmotivated.

wow, is there a cure for this? i feel like doing nothing. except stuffing my face with all sorts of foods throughout the day and sleeping. i don't want to go anywhere or do anything. blah.

but other than that , i am doing well. we did an ultrasound last week and saw the baby's heartbeat! we saw him/her  move too! and we saw the spine! eew sick. but it was awesome. i am thinking of naming the baby a really dorky name until we find out what it is...like Bruce or something. that way, i can just say "today we saw Bruce's heartbeat, or Bruce hicupped, or kicked, or is making me gassy, etc") i know its weird, but i am a weird girl! and i think its funny. i hate calling a baby "it" when you don't know what gender it is. rude! Bruce is a much nicer thing to be called.

also, i am thinking of doing a weekly "would you rather" on this blog. just for the purpose of something fun and different, AND i'm really good at thinking of them, AND i LOVE doing it. I would love to hear your answers too. BUT the rules are :
you CAN'T say:
"i don't know"
or "neither" or
"both" .

andrew , although he should know better by this point in our marriage, tries to say "neither" . well duh, we'd all like to choose neither, but it defeats the whole purpose of it!  Mainly they will be questions about what would suck more..sometimes they'll be nice though, we'll see....

New Years Resolutions.

my new years resolutions are a bit different this year..usually i break them up into categories. usually there are like 60 of them, and they are things are wishes,dreams, not resolutions. 

i looked up resolution and here is the 10th definition, i liked it the most.

resolution: reduction to a simpler form; conversion.

that being said, here are my resolutions.

and here's how i'm going to do them:

1) becoming more independent. i am so dependent, and i hate it. andrew does too. i can be independent, but if someone is there to take care of things for me, i'll let them do it. its an easy , comfortable trap i fall into with relationships. i get lazy, because i find these guys who will do it all. then i do nothing. then i feel worthless and depressed and incapable. that's no good. so...i may or may not (depending on if i ever get my energy & motivation back in the next 9 months), take over the bills and finances. (yuck!) BUT if i do that, i'll be more in control , and feel better i think. i'll know how much money we have, so i'll know when and how much i can spend on groceries, therefore i'll be able to plan meals better. now, this all depends on my energy levels. if i stay in this horrible crappy hole of no energy, then not only will none of this happen, but i might shoot myself.

2) simplify life. this sort of goes with #9. but see, that's what i have a hard time with, making things not so complicated; simplifying. how do i plan on simplifying? well, i cut out all the useless junk from my life that i don't need. that's hard, though. what's junk and what's not? hmm, i'll figure that one out hopefully soon. but more importantly, i find myself overwhelmed because life is anything but simple anymore. people with their blackberries, ipads, blu-ray, 3-D this and that, handheld electronic books, what's next? an app that allows you to not have to actually walk to the bathroom? you push a button on your phone or device or whatever, and just poop or pee right there on your screen, and it takes care of it for you? see, its these things that make my brain want to explode. and it's not even the fact  that i don't have them. its the fact that everyone does and everyone is getting to the point where they think they NEED them. and well, that just makes me tired and sad. i could update myself on it and try to be like everyone else maybe, but that doesn't seem like a great solution either. for now, i'll try to not care so much about it. when it all boils down , life is about the SIMPLE things. I'll keep that in mind.

3) Keeping the house clean. well, this means less computer time ,and getting off of my growing butt to clean this mess of a house. this is tough, and its always a resolution. but i feel so much better when the house is clean. feeling better = acting better = happier everyone in my house.

4) being a better mom and wife. this kind of goes back to simplifying. what does jax really NEED? he needs nutritional food, he needs me to teach him, and he needs love and attention. what does andrew need? again food, and i don't really know, marriage is so dang hard. he's not a talker and i am. so i need him more than he needs me .. so maybe i need to be less needy? yep, ring a ding ding. 

5) be positive. this goes along with being thankful. if i look at the good things in life, and continue to be thankful for all of the great things i am blessed with, i'm hoping an attitude adjustment will naturally find its way to me. i need it so bad! no more negativity! 

6) not let others behavior affect me so much. this one is a big one. i need to get over it. some people don't apologize, some don't thank, and some don't give compliments,  and its OK. (well its really NOT ok, they need to learn how to do these things) but i need to stop worrying about it, it gets me nowhere. except bitter and mad.  some people are jealous, some people are insecure, some people are just mean.  yep, and that's just life. its not my job to worry about it. (unless its me or my son with the problem)

7) be proactive instead of reactive. i read this book when i was 19, called 7 habits of highly effective teenagers. my alcohol counselor made me read it after i had gotten 2 minor consumption tickets. it was a great book! really! i ALWAYS think of the part where it said, there are two kinds of people "reactive and proactive" clearly, i am reactive. most people are. andrew WAS proactive, until he spent some years being married to me. i'm not proud of that. it means basically, in a fight, do you REact ; fight and yell back, OR are you PROactive? do you control a situation by causing something to happen rather than waiting to respond to it after it happens? basically, it means THINK before you speak and try to hold that temper back. THINK of a solution before you freak out and lose it. hard hard stuff for me. andrew has taught me a bit about this ,though.

8) healthier lifestyle. uggghhh. i love junk so much. too much. i love it all. i need to not. i need to like fruits and veggies. i am going to work on that. AND i would like to become more active. even if its something small and lame , like taking a walk around the block everyday.

9) prioritize. what's most important right now?

10) don't give up. don't beat myself up. no one's perfect. i will have crappy days, where i won't accomplish one good thing, except surviving it. and maybe i'll have a whole week of that. (yikes) but its ok. that's life. i will pick myself up and move on. not get stuck in the rut i created. 

here are my resolutions! like you cared to read all of that! basically, its for me. i will reread this many times.

now, go make YOUR list. there are no excuses why you can't. we ALL need improvement. and if you think you don't, then sorry but YOU actually need it the most! there goes my problem about caring about other people's dumbness! UGH!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Help a girl out.

First,
THANKS everyone for your sweet comments and excitement for me!!!!! yeeeee!!! this makes me pretty happy to know so many people care about us!!

ok
i have a question.

people have some things mixed up for sure. i often hear since i'm pregnant, now is the time i can eat whatever i want. but, since i have done this before, i know this is not true at all.  infact, its quite the opposite. anything i eat, will make me twice as fat as it would if i wasn't pregnant. does that makes sense? its midnight.
i reeeeeally have to watch it.
i know getting fat is inevitable during this process. i know i can't avoid that.
BUT can i NOT get sickly, morbidly HUGE? someone tell me i can do something to control this.
fortunately, so far, i am not as sick this time as i was with jax. but i am finding i can't eat large quantities like i used to without getting nauseous, and i get hungry every couple hours now.

i  am not a skinny girl. i was once, in high school. but even then, i was bigger than most other girls. i love to eat and i love junk and sweets.

tell me, what worked for you during pregnancy to not get OBESE? tell me, can i avoid it this time? with jax, i gained 52 lbs. i'm not really proud of that. lots of it was water, cause i retain it horribly. any advice on that??

i don't wanna be a fatty. except in the belly. my thighs and arms and face don't need to be huge.



thanks!!!!!!!!!!!!

Merry Christmas!

I hope you have had a wonderful, amazing, fantastic holiday.

Because we have.

We have been so blessed.

To say we had a Christmas miracle sounds a bit cheesy and overrated, but there really are no other words.

(read on to hear my dramatic rendition of the story)

we found out December 9th.

It had been a horrible day.

I got chewed out by a big jerk of a groom that i had shot a wedding for a few weeks before.

by the end of that day , i had had it.

i had to get away, i could not deal with another human face.

i went to the Sweet Tooth Fairy and bought two delish cupcakes.

i then hiked up to Dixie Rock, watched the sunset, and ate in peace.

it was wonderful.

on the way home, i figured i'd drop by the dollar store to get another pregnancy test.

i had already taken one dec 1st and it was negative.

i take a few every month, this month wasn't any different.

a small hope was there, in the back of my mind. i had to hide this hope from andrew, though.

he was tired of me wasting money on these heart breaking tests.

i couldn't stop buying them, though.

and today i was 8 days late.

when i got home, i went straight to the bathroom, hiding the test from andrew.

i peed and waited, expecting to see that one line of cruel disappointment.

Instead, what i saw, kneeling on the bathroom floor that day,

was nothing else but TWO solid purple lines.

TWO LINES.

TWO.

not one, two.

no mistake, either.

they were DARK and happened right away.

they couldn't be confused as "evaporation lines", or a line that i created with my own mind from staring at it for so long.

no, this line was real.

i couldn't breathe.

i rushed to the living room, where andrew was glued to the x-box.

all i said was "dear"

i'm sure i sounded like i was dying or something, because the look on his face was  the look

of pure concern. to earn that look from him when he's playing the x-box isn't easily achieved.

he saw the two lines.

he was confused.

this can't be.

but it was.

it was there.

plain as day, staring at us.

we both couldn't breathe there for awhile.

i almost thought i'd need a paper bag.

we decided that it would only be right to make sure 

that this wasn't fake.

this needed to be real before we allowed to ourselves to get any more excited.

we went to wal-mart and bought a 2nd test.

sure enough, that one was positive too.

we were still confused.

how did this happen?

we knew HOW, but .....HOW?

like, really HOW?

we had done nothing different.

like you wanna know details about that.

but honestly, we didn't.

the bitterness for pregnant people was still there.

the silent and not so silent yearnings for a soft cuddly baby was still there.

the impatience, the wishes, the small hope, the heartache, the anger,

it was all still there.

so why now?

i don't know.

i don't care.

i don't care that august is the LAST month i'd ever ever ever choose a baby to be born. i don't care that its our anniversary, my birthday, and the hottest month of  the year.

ok, i really do care.

but i want this more.

c'mon, i want this bad.

we do.

andrew was/is so excited. i love it!

jax is sort of understanding it.

at first he wanted a "baby stister", until he found out they are girls,

now he wants a brother of course.

i'm convinced its a boy.

andrew thinks maybe if we wish hard enough for a girl, it'll happen.

no. life is not like that.

its a boy.

it just has to be.

boy or girl, its a baby!

and its mine.

its all mine.

it makes me tired and lazy.

moody and mean.

it makes me sick.

and sick.

and so so so sick.

i didn't think it was real, til the barfing began.

wow, i did not miss it.

its one of the worst things ever, throwing up!

anyway.

that doesn't matter.

all that matters is that today is Christmas (Merry Christmas!) and we are going to have a baby!

am i saying that???

yes, i am!

jaxon's face here speaks for us all here at the talbi home.

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Also, thank you everyone for your patience with me.
i am obnoxious when i want something i can't have.
thanks for listening to my whining.
and complaining.
and bitterness.
thanks for giving me advice.
and words of encouragement and kindness!

Temple Lights

Its no temple square, but as andrew would say "bless its heart"

it does try. i think it could try a little harder to be honest. c'mon, st. george, you have money. we all know it.

still. it was cool and fun and peaceful and that's about all we ask for.

Great picture, huh?

you can ALMOST tell they have faces.

lets forget i call myself a photographer for a minute, ok?

still don't have the night/lights/getting everything exposed like it should/without a flash thing figured out. i doubt its even possible, geez.

sweet.

Merry Christmas!

May we all remember its true meaning!

(yeah i'm not one to talk, we're going to disneyland AND getting a big screen TV this Christmas)

but really, someday, when i have a house full of teenagers, after the much convincing i'll have to do with andrew (because he LOVES the traditional Christmas), we're gonna have a NO presents Christmas. Instead, the kids will save their money to buy gifts,food and blankets for homeless people, then they will HAND DELIVER them. they will hate me then, but i know it will be their most memorable Christmas ever.

someday, someday.

christmas magic

christmas time is a beautiful, magical time at our house. and the reason why: andrew and i LOVE holidays and being festive. andrew LOVES christmas. he comes alive for this holiday. I love it because he's not one to get too excited or expressive about anything, so i look forward to Christmas!

Here's what its been like around the house....