Mornings in Richfield

Mornings in Richfield. The way the sun hits the red west mountain. The smell of cold & exhaust. Driving to high school. I hated high school. It smelled like rust, heaters, lockers, people.  I'd always try to make sure I left exactly in enough time to get there right before the bell rang, so i wouldn't have to hang out there. I didn't have friends. by this point in my life, i didn't care. i was sick of starting over and making new friends. i had moved to a different school every 2-3 years. now i was in 11th grade, and friend making was more of a challenge than it had ever been. i didn't care. if i did get there early, cause sometimes my brother wanted to leave earlier, i'd just go in the bathroom and stay there til the bell rang. i only ever had about 5 minutes to kill. i remember the peachy-pink walls and floor, and wondering if the boys bathroom looked as hideous. i still remember the smell of the nasty, cheap soap they had in there. i'd put on my victoria's secret lotion to avoid smelling like that all day. i'd count down the hours til school was out , because then i'd get out of here and i'd get to see my boyfriend. sometimes though, i'd get to see him at lunch. sometimes he'd pick me up in his loud red camaro. he had purposely done something to the muffler i guess to make it as loud as it was. i liked being with him. he was my escape. i finally felt free and comfortable. we'd spend hours together. i miss that sometimes. i don't miss the fights with my parents who hated him.

I woke up this morning, in Richfield.  but this time , i didn't have to go scrape off my icy windows and go to the school that i once hated. now, i had a bottle to make for my 6 month old son. now, i was talking to my 4 year old about the dreams we had last night. as i sat on the couch feeding mason his bottle, i looked out the window. i saw the sun on the mountain. i thought of those poor high schoolers headed to that stinky old school. some wouldn't dread it as i did though.

that seems like another life time ago, but it still feels like yesterday too. its crazy that i'm now 25! high school was like 8 years ago. i still dream that i am in school. that i still have classes to find, graduation to get ready for. i'm glad  that nightmare is over! Richfield is a constant reminder of my youth. i miss it horribly sometimes. i miss doing whatever i want. i miss my body and my clothes. i miss eating whatever i wanted. i miss motorcycle rides and sneaking out at night. i miss dragging main. i miss the excitement of having a boyfriend. making out , holding hands. i miss not being responsible for anyone or anything. i miss my green acura and my movie theater job. okay, well maybe not my movie theater job so much.

 and other times, i just wanna go home to my grown up life in st. george. i wanna watch american idol and laugh with my grown up husband, and sleep in our soft grown up bed. i wanna hang out with my cool friends. i wanna do my photography. i wanna be who i am now.


the end.

and then BAM it hit me.

i woke up and realized that i'm 25.
i'm 25 and i'm a mom of 2 boys.

when did all of  this happen?

seriously.

it wasn't that long ago that i graduated from high school, was it? 
now i have two human beings that i'm in charge of. i grew them in my uterus and they call me mom. I'M their mom. Me.

uhhhhh...no. i'm still 18 though. i swear i am.
when did this happen?

am i everything i thought i'd be at age 25? hahahaha YEAH. RIGHT.
of course not. who is?
25 is old. 25 year olds have careers. and they're serious. they don't listen to music, well good music anyway. they're adults. they know who they are. they are grown up. they don't paint their toe nails or eat cake batter. 25 is old. they have it together. this is not me. i'm still younger than this! i swear i am!

if time keeps going this fast, i don't know what i'll do.
25!!!

jax, 4 years

i have a 4 year old!

mason, 5  months.

christmas morning

 

Christmas Eve

time

I am tired of never having time! ugh! i am ruled by the dang clock. there is never enough time. there

are so many things i want to do, so many things i expect of myself and never, ever enough time. its exhausting. i need to learn to be okay with not being able to do everything i want to do. one of those things is blogging. i used to hate getting behind on blogging. now, if i want to keep up on blogging, i'd have to be up til like 3 am. sleep sounds better to me.

We've done so many fun things and i've taken so many pictures over the holidays. i wish i had time to share them on the bloggy. I'll try to write some of it.....

- my little big brother Carson got married to Whitney- an AWESOME girl- on December 10th. i DO have lots of pics of them that maybe someday i'll get to.

-Mason is 5 months! and sleeping through the night! (sometimes!)

-Our Christmas was awesome! We did our family traditions and it was way fun. We got some fun things. Eventuallly, i plan to blog about this too.

-Andrew was offered a PTA job in Richfield! We also found a house we really like there too...this is in no way an annoucement that we are moving. If we do move, the soonest it would be is June probably. We still don't know how much they would pay him. That of course is a big factor in the whole process. But it is exciting to know that he could have a job, and we could possibly buy our own house! 

-Andrew is done with classes! He has two sets of clinicals to do now. One of them in January (for 5 weeks) and one in May for 5 weeks. Me and the kids will be lliving in Richfield during this time. that will be a change...

- I am heavily addicted to pinterest and design. I love graphic design! I would love to take classes on how to more easily do this.. maybe someday. I could spend all day on pinterest! ahhhh there are so many good ideas on there about EVERYTHING! its overwhelming.

-Jax plays over at his friend Ellie's house (our next door neighbor)  for hours most days. I asked him what they do over there and he tells me they play with her pink pony....hahah. i don't know why he loves it so much, but he does and it keeps him entertained.

-Our brother-in-law Joey, died on December 2nd I think. He fought leukemia for 2 years. He was told again and again that he didn't have long to live, and he'd always prove the doctors wrong. Eventually he got too weak to be able to take any more treatment, so his body shut down. Poor guy. He has a young family and my heart just aches for them. I want to be able to help them some how..just don't know how. Pray for them if you are reading this. I know they could use it.

-We were religious watchers of the "X-factor" and approved of Melanie winning, although we wanted Josh. Yeah, pretty sure no one else i knew watched that show , so no one knows what i'm talking about! We are sooooo excited for american idol to start!!! (the "sooooo" probably just meaning me) 

-We had the annual Talbot fondue dinner, went to our nephew's baptism, went to 2 ugly sweater parties, i went to a silly girls masquerade party, went to Richfield to see the Gentry fam, I took some newborn photos of my cousin's beautiful baby girl, aaaaand we spent new years eve at andrew's parents house with Gina (the sis who's husband just died) and his parents. we played games until midnight and ate tons and tons of junk. included in the junk eaten was caviar! yuck! but we all had to give it a try. it was horrid.  i didn't take pics because well, i'm all pictured out. it was a nice relaxing time...

i think that's about it. like i said, i'm trying to get better at accepting the fact that i suck at blogging and that's okay. its tough though. urrrrghhhh.

hope you all had a wonderful holiday!!! am i awful to be a little glad that its all over now? i'm glad life is back to normal.

here are some pics of new years eve day. we went to pine valley to find some mistletoe (one of our family traditions)