Mornings in Richfield

Mornings in Richfield. The way the sun hits the red west mountain. The smell of cold & exhaust. Driving to high school. I hated high school. It smelled like rust, heaters, lockers, people.  I'd always try to make sure I left exactly in enough time to get there right before the bell rang, so i wouldn't have to hang out there. I didn't have friends. by this point in my life, i didn't care. i was sick of starting over and making new friends. i had moved to a different school every 2-3 years. now i was in 11th grade, and friend making was more of a challenge than it had ever been. i didn't care. if i did get there early, cause sometimes my brother wanted to leave earlier, i'd just go in the bathroom and stay there til the bell rang. i only ever had about 5 minutes to kill. i remember the peachy-pink walls and floor, and wondering if the boys bathroom looked as hideous. i still remember the smell of the nasty, cheap soap they had in there. i'd put on my victoria's secret lotion to avoid smelling like that all day. i'd count down the hours til school was out , because then i'd get out of here and i'd get to see my boyfriend. sometimes though, i'd get to see him at lunch. sometimes he'd pick me up in his loud red camaro. he had purposely done something to the muffler i guess to make it as loud as it was. i liked being with him. he was my escape. i finally felt free and comfortable. we'd spend hours together. i miss that sometimes. i don't miss the fights with my parents who hated him.

I woke up this morning, in Richfield.  but this time , i didn't have to go scrape off my icy windows and go to the school that i once hated. now, i had a bottle to make for my 6 month old son. now, i was talking to my 4 year old about the dreams we had last night. as i sat on the couch feeding mason his bottle, i looked out the window. i saw the sun on the mountain. i thought of those poor high schoolers headed to that stinky old school. some wouldn't dread it as i did though.

that seems like another life time ago, but it still feels like yesterday too. its crazy that i'm now 25! high school was like 8 years ago. i still dream that i am in school. that i still have classes to find, graduation to get ready for. i'm glad  that nightmare is over! Richfield is a constant reminder of my youth. i miss it horribly sometimes. i miss doing whatever i want. i miss my body and my clothes. i miss eating whatever i wanted. i miss motorcycle rides and sneaking out at night. i miss dragging main. i miss the excitement of having a boyfriend. making out , holding hands. i miss not being responsible for anyone or anything. i miss my green acura and my movie theater job. okay, well maybe not my movie theater job so much.

 and other times, i just wanna go home to my grown up life in st. george. i wanna watch american idol and laugh with my grown up husband, and sleep in our soft grown up bed. i wanna hang out with my cool friends. i wanna do my photography. i wanna be who i am now.


the end.