Inspiration..

I have this way cool friend named

Sierra

and she inspires me.

(maybe this is creepy. If so,sorry Sierra!)

She is talented and motivated

and confident and positive.

She totally makes everything look possible.

She works hard and gets what she wants.

She is so independent!

I like those type of people and strive to be like that one day.

I am awkward, self conscious, and pessimistic.

I am unmotivated and not persistent.

I am hard on myself and give up so easy.

For instance,

I've been having a hard time with the way my body is.

I have for a VERY long time now.

I want a body like this:

 

completely unrealistic, but why does it have to be?

Why can't I look like that?

Instead, I look like this:

Eeeww.

I swear if I could be skinnier, I would FEEL so much better,

then ACT better.

I feel like I'm in such a rut lately.

I feel stuck.

I try to make changes, but I can't stick to anything.

When I try diets, they don't work, and I beat myself up bad. Then I overeat because I don't even care anymore.

When I try to eat healthy, I crave chocolate and sweets so badly.

I hate cooking and I am poor, so I can't afford to eat fresh expensive food or organic crap for every meal.

When I exercise for weeks, I expect to see positive results. Not tighter fitting pants and weight gain.

I've never been athletic or interested in sports.

All these things depress me.

Then I quit caring.

Then I eat cupcakes, cookies, jr mints.

I feel like sleeping all the time and I'm snappy with Jaxon.

I feel like life sucks and there is no way out of this rut.

BUT

then I see amazing people, like for instance Sierra.

She has 2 kids & she's finding time to take care of herself.

And she's doing it to FEEL better.

If I could just forget about my looks for one second, and concentrate on making myself healthier, with no weight loss goal in mind,

maybe I'd actually lose weight.

Here are the things I've been trying and my weight has not budged.

I've been doing some of these things for a few months now.

Jogging/walking a mile at night.

"Boot camp" workouts on some tues and thurs nights.

Trying to drink a gallon of water a day, and doing pretty well.

Eating Kashi cereal with skim milk for breakfast.

Slim fast or tomato soup for lunch. Drinking TONS of water.

No white bread, only wheat.

Salads, tons and tons of salads.

cutting back on sweets, not totally quitting cause i just can't.

switching to dark chocolate instead of milk.

Absolutely no pop. I only usually ever drink water.

I take green tea pills.

K, so I'm not a total slob right?

Shouldn't I be losing weight?

  I'm 300% sure I'm not pregnant, so don't think that.

Anyone have any tips?

Anyone else feel this way?

 I feel like this weight won't ever come off, but I know it can.

I know I can be skinny. I was in High School. I didn't eat right or exercise then.

And how are skinny moms skinny?

Will someone please answer that for me?

I see women in my neighborhood with a kid on each arm and leg, and they look like amazing.

Like High School amazing. Like model/magazine/Hollywood amazing.

This isn't right.

Nope, not at all.

this is the 421st post! holy crap.

you could say I have (or had a blogging problem)

I don't so much anymore though.

Let me give you a little update on our lives. (mostly mine!)

-Andrew is back at Wal-mart DC. He might quit his Physical Therapist Assistant's Assistant job because there is no point of him working there, making hardly any money if he doesn't get into the PTA program this fall. That's a story for another day.

-I was asked to be a 2nd shooter for an AWESOME photographer at a HUGE , FANCY wedding in Nevada on August 7th.

-Our 4th Anniversary is coming up & I just made the reservations to a cute little B&B out by Capitol Reef.

-I started this new work-out class called "Boot camp" every Tuesday & Thursday. It's insane, but terrific for me.

-I went to the Dr. this week to talk about infertility and what to do now. It's been over a year since we started trying, so there is something wrong. Not that I absolutely need to get pregnant right now, but I would like to get to the bottom of this. Since we don't have insurance at all, it was a bit overwhelming going to the Dr. & hear of all the tests I could and should do. But for now, we're bagging the tests & trying a fertility drug called Clomid. If it's meant to happen, I guess it'll happen.

-Jaxon got 2 pet fish. There names are Phyllis and Gary. We managed to kill Phyllis in one day flat. Gary is still living. Pictures to come. Jax is pretty excited about it.

-I have another Silly Girls photoshoot coming up & I'm stoked. For some reason I feel like my teenage brother using the word "stoked". I don't know if I'm allowed to tell the theme yet, these things are top secret. But its awesome & you'll find out soon enough! Speaking of Silly Girls, they have now changed their site to  SHEnanigans    (check it out) & on that site they asked me to write a post about Photography Tips!!!! wahoo! Go see it! It was an honor to be asked , and I'm glad I get the chance to help others out with photo taking, because I've had so many great people give me SO many tips (all free of charge!) about photography. I'm glad I can give back somehow!

-We just had the 24th, which was pretty event-less and boring. But this time of year is crazy for us in the holiday department, so we just stayed low key. We took Jax to Toy Story and I cried hard and laughed hard. It's a dang good movie.

-We saw Inception also. It was crazy, but really good. I recommend it!

-I've been helping a friend with adoption plans. It's been a whole new learning experience. I'm happy to help, it makes me feel good.

-Photography is crazy slow now & I'm hoping it picks up any day now.

-My b-day is coming & I'd like one of the following
                                           - Cricut Expression machine
                                           -Vegas shopping spree
                                           -Macro Lens

what do you think I should choose? That is, if I can choose anything at all.


aaand that's the update. What are you up to?

baby beckham.

for a couple days last week, we got to watch my friends sweet baby, beckham.

jax loves baby beckham. he can't call him just beckham, its always "baby beckham"

he'll say "c'mon baby beckham. follow me"

or "baby beckham play wiss me?"

he thinks beckham should be able to do the things and understand what he can.

its so cute.

he loves to read to him and play cars with him.

jax. needs. a . freaking. brother.

i am aware of this.

BUT

i've come to a realization.

It's crazy, but God does actually indeed know me better than I know myself.

I now know that I could not have handled another child. Maybe , MAYBE, i could handle being pregnant NOW, but definitely not a year ago when we started trying.

Jaxon is demanding and way high maintenance.

And i'm not as calm as i'd like to be either. i don't do well with stress, mess, or lots of noise. i like my space , routine, and quiet time. i am not meant for a lot of kids. I know this now.

and now i do believe in the phrase: "everything happens for a reason"

i used to roll my eyes when people would say that to me.

but it is so true. well for me , anyway.

when the right time comes, i'll have another. or maybe it won't happen. that will be sad, but i guess meant to be?

in the mean time, i'll enjoy the roller coaster ride jax provides for me daily, and occasionally i'll watch other peoples babies which will satisfy my baby itch.

and there's what i think about that.

incase you were wondering.

ha. i get carried away.

check out these cuties.

someday jax will be a GREAT big brother.

happy birthday andy!

7/11 was Andy's Birthday.

yeah, cool birthday, huh?!

we celebrated the night before by going on a nice , long date. it was terrific.

& now he's doing even more celebrating this weekend by going camping for like 4 days with his dad!

He totally deserves it. He works so freaking hard working, going to school, paying all the bills because i refuse, AND helping me out at home so much.

jax was so cute about the birthday thing.

i guess thats one good thing about growing up, having your cute kids be excited for you.

jax didn't understand that it wasn't HIS birthday though.

he liked to sing Happy Birthday to Daddy though. it was cute.

then he helped blow out the candles.

Happy Birthday, handy andy-man. 

we love you!

my melly bear.

I got ahold of an old wagon...but just to borrow.

if anyone knows of an old wagon that someone will give me because they are just super kind (yeah right), or someone who is selling it for super cheap, and i mean SUPER CHEAP,

then you'd make my day if you let me know!

anyway, before I had to give it back- I just HAD to do a mini shoot with Jax!

He didn't hate it either. He's startin to get really good at this stuff!

I just posted this EXACT same thing on my photo blog, so that's why my name is on the photos. I didn't wanna upload a whole new set without my name to put on here. So, deal.

I love this bear. Even though each and every day he puts me through torment and hell , and i swear to myself i'll never have another, I still love him.

He's getting cuter and cuter too. He says the funniest and cutest things. I try to remember some of them, but it's hard. 

Like:

-I say "baby beckham is gonna come over." He says "Oh cool. That should be nice."

- "Are you sick, mama?"

-"Mama, I love you!"

-"I just don't want to!"

-"I wanna go canting in a pent" (camping in a tent)

He says SOOO many more funny things, I really need to remember them. He surprises me every day, I am not even kidding. This kid is freaking smart!

~K~ now i just have to choose which of these i want on my overcrowded walls...

the 3rd of July!

We went to the St. George Parade which started SO early and was incredibly lame.

But oh well. Jax had a fun time!

it really wasn't even worthy of taking pics...

Later that day, we invited some friends over & had a BBQ!

All our friends have sons around the same age!

Jax had a blast with all his friends!

Thanks to everyone who came! It was quite a party!

Then we all went to the Sunbowl to watch fireworks!

The boys loved being hyper for like an hour before.

jax was first scared of the fireworks..

him and dax LOVED to watch them together, and see eachothers faces.

this is funny. typical yawning andy!

then we came back to our house again & did more fireworks!

it was one of the funnest 4th's ever! 

Silly Girls United!

Do you want to know what this is all about????

If you say no, you've gotta be lying!

I have a little secret:

I have a secret, second identity.

My name is Astrid & I'm part of  the Omega Force!

I had this AWESOME opportunity to be part of this HOT group of girls. They asked me to dress up with them, act silly & take pictures!! UMMM...FUNNNNN!!!!!!! This was so much fun.

Get the FULL , well written explanation about this on Stephanie's Blog >>>click here.  & while you're there, check out her other amazing blogs. She's extremely awesome & talented.

Here are some more pics we took!! I loved doing this! Don't you love our costumes?? They did such a great job putting them together--all from DI! We are so HOT!!! haha.

Thanks, Silly Girls for letting me part of this!

I wanna do another one soon!