Inspiration..

I have this way cool friend named

Sierra

and she inspires me.

(maybe this is creepy. If so,sorry Sierra!)

She is talented and motivated

and confident and positive.

She totally makes everything look possible.

She works hard and gets what she wants.

She is so independent!

I like those type of people and strive to be like that one day.

I am awkward, self conscious, and pessimistic.

I am unmotivated and not persistent.

I am hard on myself and give up so easy.

For instance,

I've been having a hard time with the way my body is.

I have for a VERY long time now.

I want a body like this:

 

completely unrealistic, but why does it have to be?

Why can't I look like that?

Instead, I look like this:

Eeeww.

I swear if I could be skinnier, I would FEEL so much better,

then ACT better.

I feel like I'm in such a rut lately.

I feel stuck.

I try to make changes, but I can't stick to anything.

When I try diets, they don't work, and I beat myself up bad. Then I overeat because I don't even care anymore.

When I try to eat healthy, I crave chocolate and sweets so badly.

I hate cooking and I am poor, so I can't afford to eat fresh expensive food or organic crap for every meal.

When I exercise for weeks, I expect to see positive results. Not tighter fitting pants and weight gain.

I've never been athletic or interested in sports.

All these things depress me.

Then I quit caring.

Then I eat cupcakes, cookies, jr mints.

I feel like sleeping all the time and I'm snappy with Jaxon.

I feel like life sucks and there is no way out of this rut.

BUT

then I see amazing people, like for instance Sierra.

She has 2 kids & she's finding time to take care of herself.

And she's doing it to FEEL better.

If I could just forget about my looks for one second, and concentrate on making myself healthier, with no weight loss goal in mind,

maybe I'd actually lose weight.

Here are the things I've been trying and my weight has not budged.

I've been doing some of these things for a few months now.

Jogging/walking a mile at night.

"Boot camp" workouts on some tues and thurs nights.

Trying to drink a gallon of water a day, and doing pretty well.

Eating Kashi cereal with skim milk for breakfast.

Slim fast or tomato soup for lunch. Drinking TONS of water.

No white bread, only wheat.

Salads, tons and tons of salads.

cutting back on sweets, not totally quitting cause i just can't.

switching to dark chocolate instead of milk.

Absolutely no pop. I only usually ever drink water.

I take green tea pills.

K, so I'm not a total slob right?

Shouldn't I be losing weight?

  I'm 300% sure I'm not pregnant, so don't think that.

Anyone have any tips?

Anyone else feel this way?

 I feel like this weight won't ever come off, but I know it can.

I know I can be skinny. I was in High School. I didn't eat right or exercise then.

And how are skinny moms skinny?

Will someone please answer that for me?

I see women in my neighborhood with a kid on each arm and leg, and they look like amazing.

Like High School amazing. Like model/magazine/Hollywood amazing.

This isn't right.

Nope, not at all.