baby beckham.

for a couple days last week, we got to watch my friends sweet baby, beckham.

jax loves baby beckham. he can't call him just beckham, its always "baby beckham"

he'll say "c'mon baby beckham. follow me"

or "baby beckham play wiss me?"

he thinks beckham should be able to do the things and understand what he can.

its so cute.

he loves to read to him and play cars with him.

jax. needs. a . freaking. brother.

i am aware of this.

BUT

i've come to a realization.

It's crazy, but God does actually indeed know me better than I know myself.

I now know that I could not have handled another child. Maybe , MAYBE, i could handle being pregnant NOW, but definitely not a year ago when we started trying.

Jaxon is demanding and way high maintenance.

And i'm not as calm as i'd like to be either. i don't do well with stress, mess, or lots of noise. i like my space , routine, and quiet time. i am not meant for a lot of kids. I know this now.

and now i do believe in the phrase: "everything happens for a reason"

i used to roll my eyes when people would say that to me.

but it is so true. well for me , anyway.

when the right time comes, i'll have another. or maybe it won't happen. that will be sad, but i guess meant to be?

in the mean time, i'll enjoy the roller coaster ride jax provides for me daily, and occasionally i'll watch other peoples babies which will satisfy my baby itch.

and there's what i think about that.

incase you were wondering.

ha. i get carried away.

check out these cuties.

someday jax will be a GREAT big brother.