New Years Resolutions.

my new years resolutions are a bit different this year..usually i break them up into categories. usually there are like 60 of them, and they are things are wishes,dreams, not resolutions. 

i looked up resolution and here is the 10th definition, i liked it the most.

resolution: reduction to a simpler form; conversion.

that being said, here are my resolutions.

and here's how i'm going to do them:

1) becoming more independent. i am so dependent, and i hate it. andrew does too. i can be independent, but if someone is there to take care of things for me, i'll let them do it. its an easy , comfortable trap i fall into with relationships. i get lazy, because i find these guys who will do it all. then i do nothing. then i feel worthless and depressed and incapable. that's no good. so...i may or may not (depending on if i ever get my energy & motivation back in the next 9 months), take over the bills and finances. (yuck!) BUT if i do that, i'll be more in control , and feel better i think. i'll know how much money we have, so i'll know when and how much i can spend on groceries, therefore i'll be able to plan meals better. now, this all depends on my energy levels. if i stay in this horrible crappy hole of no energy, then not only will none of this happen, but i might shoot myself.

2) simplify life. this sort of goes with #9. but see, that's what i have a hard time with, making things not so complicated; simplifying. how do i plan on simplifying? well, i cut out all the useless junk from my life that i don't need. that's hard, though. what's junk and what's not? hmm, i'll figure that one out hopefully soon. but more importantly, i find myself overwhelmed because life is anything but simple anymore. people with their blackberries, ipads, blu-ray, 3-D this and that, handheld electronic books, what's next? an app that allows you to not have to actually walk to the bathroom? you push a button on your phone or device or whatever, and just poop or pee right there on your screen, and it takes care of it for you? see, its these things that make my brain want to explode. and it's not even the fact  that i don't have them. its the fact that everyone does and everyone is getting to the point where they think they NEED them. and well, that just makes me tired and sad. i could update myself on it and try to be like everyone else maybe, but that doesn't seem like a great solution either. for now, i'll try to not care so much about it. when it all boils down , life is about the SIMPLE things. I'll keep that in mind.

3) Keeping the house clean. well, this means less computer time ,and getting off of my growing butt to clean this mess of a house. this is tough, and its always a resolution. but i feel so much better when the house is clean. feeling better = acting better = happier everyone in my house.

4) being a better mom and wife. this kind of goes back to simplifying. what does jax really NEED? he needs nutritional food, he needs me to teach him, and he needs love and attention. what does andrew need? again food, and i don't really know, marriage is so dang hard. he's not a talker and i am. so i need him more than he needs me .. so maybe i need to be less needy? yep, ring a ding ding. 

5) be positive. this goes along with being thankful. if i look at the good things in life, and continue to be thankful for all of the great things i am blessed with, i'm hoping an attitude adjustment will naturally find its way to me. i need it so bad! no more negativity! 

6) not let others behavior affect me so much. this one is a big one. i need to get over it. some people don't apologize, some don't thank, and some don't give compliments,  and its OK. (well its really NOT ok, they need to learn how to do these things) but i need to stop worrying about it, it gets me nowhere. except bitter and mad.  some people are jealous, some people are insecure, some people are just mean.  yep, and that's just life. its not my job to worry about it. (unless its me or my son with the problem)

7) be proactive instead of reactive. i read this book when i was 19, called 7 habits of highly effective teenagers. my alcohol counselor made me read it after i had gotten 2 minor consumption tickets. it was a great book! really! i ALWAYS think of the part where it said, there are two kinds of people "reactive and proactive" clearly, i am reactive. most people are. andrew WAS proactive, until he spent some years being married to me. i'm not proud of that. it means basically, in a fight, do you REact ; fight and yell back, OR are you PROactive? do you control a situation by causing something to happen rather than waiting to respond to it after it happens? basically, it means THINK before you speak and try to hold that temper back. THINK of a solution before you freak out and lose it. hard hard stuff for me. andrew has taught me a bit about this ,though.

8) healthier lifestyle. uggghhh. i love junk so much. too much. i love it all. i need to not. i need to like fruits and veggies. i am going to work on that. AND i would like to become more active. even if its something small and lame , like taking a walk around the block everyday.

9) prioritize. what's most important right now?

10) don't give up. don't beat myself up. no one's perfect. i will have crappy days, where i won't accomplish one good thing, except surviving it. and maybe i'll have a whole week of that. (yikes) but its ok. that's life. i will pick myself up and move on. not get stuck in the rut i created. 

here are my resolutions! like you cared to read all of that! basically, its for me. i will reread this many times.

now, go make YOUR list. there are no excuses why you can't. we ALL need improvement. and if you think you don't, then sorry but YOU actually need it the most! there goes my problem about caring about other people's dumbness! UGH!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!