Merry Christmas!

I hope you have had a wonderful, amazing, fantastic holiday.

Because we have.

We have been so blessed.

To say we had a Christmas miracle sounds a bit cheesy and overrated, but there really are no other words.

(read on to hear my dramatic rendition of the story)

we found out December 9th.

It had been a horrible day.

I got chewed out by a big jerk of a groom that i had shot a wedding for a few weeks before.

by the end of that day , i had had it.

i had to get away, i could not deal with another human face.

i went to the Sweet Tooth Fairy and bought two delish cupcakes.

i then hiked up to Dixie Rock, watched the sunset, and ate in peace.

it was wonderful.

on the way home, i figured i'd drop by the dollar store to get another pregnancy test.

i had already taken one dec 1st and it was negative.

i take a few every month, this month wasn't any different.

a small hope was there, in the back of my mind. i had to hide this hope from andrew, though.

he was tired of me wasting money on these heart breaking tests.

i couldn't stop buying them, though.

and today i was 8 days late.

when i got home, i went straight to the bathroom, hiding the test from andrew.

i peed and waited, expecting to see that one line of cruel disappointment.

Instead, what i saw, kneeling on the bathroom floor that day,

was nothing else but TWO solid purple lines.

TWO LINES.

TWO.

not one, two.

no mistake, either.

they were DARK and happened right away.

they couldn't be confused as "evaporation lines", or a line that i created with my own mind from staring at it for so long.

no, this line was real.

i couldn't breathe.

i rushed to the living room, where andrew was glued to the x-box.

all i said was "dear"

i'm sure i sounded like i was dying or something, because the look on his face was  the look

of pure concern. to earn that look from him when he's playing the x-box isn't easily achieved.

he saw the two lines.

he was confused.

this can't be.

but it was.

it was there.

plain as day, staring at us.

we both couldn't breathe there for awhile.

i almost thought i'd need a paper bag.

we decided that it would only be right to make sure 

that this wasn't fake.

this needed to be real before we allowed to ourselves to get any more excited.

we went to wal-mart and bought a 2nd test.

sure enough, that one was positive too.

we were still confused.

how did this happen?

we knew HOW, but .....HOW?

like, really HOW?

we had done nothing different.

like you wanna know details about that.

but honestly, we didn't.

the bitterness for pregnant people was still there.

the silent and not so silent yearnings for a soft cuddly baby was still there.

the impatience, the wishes, the small hope, the heartache, the anger,

it was all still there.

so why now?

i don't know.

i don't care.

i don't care that august is the LAST month i'd ever ever ever choose a baby to be born. i don't care that its our anniversary, my birthday, and the hottest month of  the year.

ok, i really do care.

but i want this more.

c'mon, i want this bad.

we do.

andrew was/is so excited. i love it!

jax is sort of understanding it.

at first he wanted a "baby stister", until he found out they are girls,

now he wants a brother of course.

i'm convinced its a boy.

andrew thinks maybe if we wish hard enough for a girl, it'll happen.

no. life is not like that.

its a boy.

it just has to be.

boy or girl, its a baby!

and its mine.

its all mine.

it makes me tired and lazy.

moody and mean.

it makes me sick.

and sick.

and so so so sick.

i didn't think it was real, til the barfing began.

wow, i did not miss it.

its one of the worst things ever, throwing up!

anyway.

that doesn't matter.

all that matters is that today is Christmas (Merry Christmas!) and we are going to have a baby!

am i saying that???

yes, i am!

jaxon's face here speaks for us all here at the talbi home.

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Also, thank you everyone for your patience with me.
i am obnoxious when i want something i can't have.
thanks for listening to my whining.
and complaining.
and bitterness.
thanks for giving me advice.
and words of encouragement and kindness!