a small step

I know this is a very personal post, so don't read it if what goes on in the woman's body freaks you out.
I'm just beyond caring if people think i am gross right now.

because

tears of joy are leaking out of my eye ducts.

I have been having infertility battles. Anyone who knows me well knows this and must be incredibly sick of hearing about it and dealing with my pregnant person hater attitude.

We've been trying for one year, four months. yep, that long.

i never thought i'd be one of those people who could say it. well, now i'm saying it. and it sucks. and if i was careless and rude because of my ignorance of this subject towards anyone dealing with this horrible situation, then I am sorry. Only now do i realize what a nightmare this can be!


Anyway.

I took clomid this month. (5 day fertility pill)
It's supposed to make you ovulate.

AAAAAAND it DID!

I have the Maybe Mom. Its a mini microscope you spit on in the morning, telling you if you're ovulating. Basically up until now, I thought this was a crock of shiz. People said it worked. But something working for someone else, DOES NOT mean it could or would or should work for me. I am the exception apparently. Its the law of nature.yay.

Anyway, I am SO happy to report that this morning, my saliva testing was successful! I did exactly as the directions said, and low and behold , I looked through the mini microscope and saw what i was SUPPOSED to see. Instantly , I cried. I know its ridiculous, cause its in no way a plus sign on a pregnancy test, but it was something RIGHT. It was there. Something about me is right. I am ovulating. Up until now, the stupid microscope has NEVER worked when I test, and i got it in like February. I'm pretty sure a couple of months i wasn't doing it right. who really knows. But i did it right this month, and I. am. ovulating!

One problem out of the way.

i've been able to track my ovulation before , on those pee sticks. then we ....did what we were supposed to...and well, obviously nothing came of it.

sooooo....i'm hoping, crossing my fingers, that i've just never tracked it right, and this time i finally have, so THIS MONTH WILL BE THE MONTH.

for crying out loud. it better be the month.


i am worried it's something else though. my hope is shot.
i think its more than ovulation.
my doctor told me my uterus is tipped. like way bad. like so bad that it took two doctors to get my IUD in because of it. fun stuff.


i just caaaaaan't afford to go to the dr. ever. not even jax can go. don't get me started on healthcare.
i just want to be normal and for this crap to be over!


and.....
heres to hoping........