numbers.

32 : number of days til we meet Mason.
16 : number of hours i can sleep a day.
399854 : number of thank you cards i need to write.
0-1 : number of kids i want to have after this. the number changes daily.
3 : number of chapters i have to read of the book of mormon every day.
1 :  number of miles my dad has to walk everyday, since i am reading the book of mormon. (deal made by me)
4 : number of days til the 4th of July!
42 :  number of pounds i have gained in this pregnancy so far. yuck!
100 :  number of ounces of water i SHOULD be drinking a day, but don't.
44 :  days til i'm 25!
11 :  number of days til andrew is 28!
78: number of times jax hums the darth vader theme song per day.
457832 : number of diapers we'll need for Mason.
35: number of minutes i've killed on the internet so far.
140: number of chores that need to be done.

okay i'm done with number thing.

photos as of late.

i have lotsa pics to post to this bloggy.

(i like to keep up on this , not only for grandparent purposes, but also in case my computer crashes and erases all my important pics. its been known to do that.)

we'll start with the stinky man, jax.

i love this little boy so much.

we had a little shoot a couple months ago in his new Easter suit.

he's such a stud.

here he is playing with his BFF , Dax.

pool time!

at last!

Memorial day camping- Oak City Campground.

 

CONGRATULATIONS

if you made it through that !

in other news:

- we have less than 5 weeks before we meet baby M. the C-section is officially scheduled for August 1st!

- Happy late Fathers Day!

- my oldest younger brother has a girlfriend & it's weird & i like to tease them.

- Jax can finally identify every letter in the alphabet! (uppercase)

- Jax starts preschool in August!

- Summer in St. George is finally showing itself, and wow, it isn't pretty.

hope you are all having a fun summer!

haunted.

I am having re-occuring dreams about a certain time of my life and the people/person that were/was in it. They're quite haunting actually. I've been having these types of dreams for years, but now they are getting worse. I know the pregnancy has lots to do with dreams and emotions. The dreams are so real and so vivid, that i wake up and seriously feel like crying or going back to sleep so i can get back in the dream. what does this mean? am i scared about the future, so i'm desperately clinging onto my past where i was carefree and wild and happy? am i regretting choices i've made that led me where i am today? am i that  freaked out about getting older that i have to think back to the times when i was young , pretty & skinny, free. Is it because THIS IS MY LIFE and everything is so permanent, and it scares me? Is it because i want to have adventure and fun again because really I'm not that old yet? Am i mad that i grew up too fast and got married? is it because i feel so dependent and therefore completely out of control of my life? do i miss the freedom, the romance, the carelessness, the not knowing what might happen tomorrow? do i just like to dwell on things that i'll never have? will i never be satisfied in the moment, like i feel i'm missing something that i could have had?  do i just like to be nostalgic? are people like that? why can't i let the past go? why does it haunt me? do i need some serious closure? will i always live in my regrets? and why is this happening so strongly now? do i just need to get some more hobbies to keep my mind busier? is this enough questions?

i love my son so much and would never want to think of him not existing. andrew works so hard for us and is such a great guy and dad. but what if..? what if?? do these thoughts haunt anyone else? i should probably see a counselor.

I used to dream about one of the houses I lived in. it was in west jordan. there were actually two of them that we lived in. I was young, we moved out of west jordan before i was 10. for years and years i'd have dreams about those houses. i would always dream that i was looking for them, and couldn't find them, no matter what i did! i'd wake up frustrated and curious about them, something that was linked so strongly to my past. finally, i decided that something needed to be done. i'd prove to myself that i COULD find the houses. in real life. so, when we lived  in logan, we were passing through salt lake. i told andrew to let me drive and i have absolutely no idea how i found the houses, but i did. i found them both with no trouble. i sat in front of them, staring. who knows who lives there now. but i found them. they're still there and standing. they don't just exist in dreams. those dreams completely stopped for awhile. now, i dream about them. but i am always able to find them, and the dreams are pleasant.  that's called closure.

i know i need some type of closure in this case, but i have no way of knowing how to do it. its not that easy to go to actual people and ask them 'hey could you please stay out of my dreams? I'd really like to move forward in my life'. uh creepy, weird. but, the sad thing is, is that the dreams are bittersweet. i like them but i hate them. i hate them because i miss that time and i can never have it back.


this is pretty personal stuff, but i thought maybe someone would have some words of advice. i know its weird. and you can just think i'm weird, thats fine.

like it?

Like my new design and name??  it was definitely time for a face-lift. And blogger has added all these new cool options and fonts you can do now with your blog. i love it! I also am a fan of that bar at the top of my blog; they are links to my other blogs! cool huh?! these things excite me. 

i decided that we'll always be the talbi, but we've been that for like 4 years now! its time for a change. "Mama & the Manfolk" is perfection. i will soon have 3 men in this home with me. yikes! and i designed it all by myself! i';m getting a teeny teeny bit more photoshop savvy.

I've added a few new "buttons" to my side bar. one is "Bee a little better" . i saw it on a friends blog. its just a simple , clean blog that inspires you to be happy, and better, and well- happy. who doesn't need a good dosage of that every day?

I also added "Clean Mama". if you know me at all, you know that i am not a clean mama. i'm a messy , crazy, disorganized mama. i drive myself crazy about it too. this blog has little tips on organization and how to keep your house clean, one step at a time. it inspires me.

(this is pretty random, i know. but i took these photos, and i like them)

Also-- i joined good reads. i know a few of you do it too. (i have that on my sidebar too) i don't really understand it all quite yet, so if anyone wants to explain it more to be, that'd be fine. there are soooo many books i wanna read. i love to read. i think its cool they have a site where you can make a list of what you have read and want to read. i think it also suggests books that you'll like too? that would be extra awesome. anyway- if you are on it , "add" me as a friend and tell me some good books that i'd love to read. currently i'm reading the true blood  "sookie stackhouse" series. if you've seen it on HBO, well i'm sorry & the books are really nothing like it. they are WAY better and not droppin eff bombs every second. they are a bit racy though, so if you despise of those things, don't read them. but i find them interesting. i also find it pretty interesting that i find it interesting to read about vampires, werewolves, shapeshifters, telepaths, fairies, witches and other super natural creatures. i have not yet run into a dragon, good thing, and i don't think i will. i'm on book 10 out of 11, so i don't think its happening. i usually hate sci-fi, but i guess you could say after twilight, i'm broadening my horizons. i mostly love novels & fiction. wait- is fiction the stories that could really happen? or is that non-fiction? basically, i usually like reading about things that could happen, things that get me all emotionally involved with real characters and a real story.

Have any of you read "Matched" ? if not, do it. its easy, very clean reading and ITS GOOD. you won't regret.

Anyway- next on my reading list is the "Uglies" series, "The book thief" and "the Work and the Glory series". let me add that i  LOVE series. i love knowing there are like 10 more nice beautiful thick books of the story i'm reading. and I HATE when they're over!

what's on your reading list??? what have you read that you LOVE that you must share with me?

tell me. yes YOU. tell me!!!!!