I am having re-occuring dreams about a certain time of my life and the people/person that were/was in it. They're quite haunting actually. I've been having these types of dreams for years, but now they are getting worse. I know the pregnancy has lots to do with dreams and emotions. The dreams are so real and so vivid, that i wake up and seriously feel like crying or going back to sleep so i can get back in the dream. what does this mean? am i scared about the future, so i'm desperately clinging onto my past where i was carefree and wild and happy? am i regretting choices i've made that led me where i am today? am i that freaked out about getting older that i have to think back to the times when i was young , pretty & skinny, free. Is it because THIS IS MY LIFE and everything is so permanent, and it scares me? Is it because i want to have adventure and fun again because really I'm not that old yet? Am i mad that i grew up too fast and got married? is it because i feel so dependent and therefore completely out of control of my life? do i miss the freedom, the romance, the carelessness, the not knowing what might happen tomorrow? do i just like to dwell on things that i'll never have? will i never be satisfied in the moment, like i feel i'm missing something that i could have had? do i just like to be nostalgic? are people like that? why can't i let the past go? why does it haunt me? do i need some serious closure? will i always live in my regrets? and why is this happening so strongly now? do i just need to get some more hobbies to keep my mind busier? is this enough questions?
i love my son so much and would never want to think of him not existing. andrew works so hard for us and is such a great guy and dad. but what if..? what if?? do these thoughts haunt anyone else? i should probably see a counselor.
I used to dream about one of the houses I lived in. it was in west jordan. there were actually two of them that we lived in. I was young, we moved out of west jordan before i was 10. for years and years i'd have dreams about those houses. i would always dream that i was looking for them, and couldn't find them, no matter what i did! i'd wake up frustrated and curious about them, something that was linked so strongly to my past. finally, i decided that something needed to be done. i'd prove to myself that i COULD find the houses. in real life. so, when we lived in logan, we were passing through salt lake. i told andrew to let me drive and i have absolutely no idea how i found the houses, but i did. i found them both with no trouble. i sat in front of them, staring. who knows who lives there now. but i found them. they're still there and standing. they don't just exist in dreams. those dreams completely stopped for awhile. now, i dream about them. but i am always able to find them, and the dreams are pleasant. that's called closure.
i know i need some type of closure in this case, but i have no way of knowing how to do it. its not that easy to go to actual people and ask them 'hey could you please stay out of my dreams? I'd really like to move forward in my life'. uh creepy, weird. but, the sad thing is, is that the dreams are bittersweet. i like them but i hate them. i hate them because i miss that time and i can never have it back.
this is pretty personal stuff, but i thought maybe someone would have some words of advice. i know its weird. and you can just think i'm weird, thats fine.
7 comments:
Alecia I love that you are so open about your feelings. I am pretty sure I know what you are talking about and I have dreams like that too. I've always worried that it meant something and that I wasn't truely happy or something, but I think it's just your mind making sense of past events. Dreams are weird!!
I don't want to assume the people from your past showing up in your dreams are ex-boyfriends but in any case I think these explication may work. I found these dream predictions and found them interesting.
To see an old ex-boyfriend from childhood in your dream, refers to a freer, less encumbered relationship. The dream serves to bring you back to a time where the responsibilities of adulthood (or marriage) did not interfere with the spontaneity of romance. You need to recapture the excitement, freedom, and vitality of youth that is lacking in your present relationship.
To dream that your ex-boyfriend is giving you advice about your current relationship, suggests that your unconscious is telling you not to repeat the same mistakes that you had made with this ex-boyfriend.
To dream that you are being massaged by your ex-boyfriend, suggests that you need to let go of some of that defensiveness that you have been putting forth as a result of a past relationship. You may have put up a wall or armor around you. You need to learn to trust people again. meanings by DreamMoods.com
To dream that your ex-boyfriend gives you a stuffed animal, suggests that you are seeking for reassuring and nurturing aspects of a relationship. This is not to imply that you want you ex-boyfriend back. Alternatively, the dream could represent some immature relationship which may describe the relationship you had with your ex.
To dream that you walk off or walk away with your ex boyfriend, indicates that your current love interests are not measuring up to your ex boyfriend.
I know this might sound strange but the thing that works best for me when I have dreams like that is to put on some music. Usually ones that remind me of that time or people that were in my life. I truly believe that there are places inside of us that only music can reach. It helps me relive those feelings without anyone knowing and try to work though them on my own. You don't have to compare the past to the present because they are two completely different things. Just realize you can't go back so all you can do is look forward. Sometimes its hard though when your dreams have such a tight grip on you.
I also love how open you are about your feelings. We all have these dreams sometimes. Something I read about pregnancy and dreams is that it's not really that being pregnant it making you dream wierd things, it's that you sleep lighter because of having to get up and pee or being uncomfortable that you remember your dreams more. So maybe that could be why it feels so real when you wake up. If I ever have a dream About past relationships I just acknowledge them and thunk about that person for a few days. But mostly I Am glad for where I am in my life and how they helped me get here. It makes me more grateful for my husband and even though my life may be different, it is much better than it would've been with someone else.
I don't know... I hope that helps somehow!
I totally, completely understand. I used to dream over and over while I was pregnant that Jon would be gone and I would started dating someone that I had in the past and they would find out I was pregnant or that I already had a kid and leave me because I had baggage, or because my body wasn't perfect anymore. I think my subconscious was really worried about that-having a kid is so permanent and scary!! And even though you've been through it once, I can totally understand having those same feelings going through it all again. I have one ex that I dream of over and over again-he's the only one I don't have good closure with and I really think that has a lot to do with it. The ones I'm in touch with I don't worry about, so I don't dream about them much either. But for some reason every six months or so I dream about him for a week straight. I usually listen to some old music and try to find him online to see if I can stalk him and see if he's still alive. I never do-so he goes right on haunting me. It's especially weird with him because I would dream about things happening to him and then I would find out that they did so it's always weirded me out more when I dream about him. Anyway...long post. I think weird dreams are super normal, and I think all the feelings and worries you have are totally normal when you're prego-it amps up emotions like you can't even believe!! I hope all of this made any sense...I'm sorry I'm so long winded!!!
You are normal!!! I have had dreams of my past which I was SO ashamed of! I finally, after 10 years of marriage, told Tyler about them, and come to find out, he has dreams of his past, too. I thought something was seriously wrong with me and that inside I was trying to tell myself that I was unhappy with my current relationship. Bull. It happens to us all (at least any of us who have had any other relationship besides our current partner which I think is most everyone)
The more I try to dwell on the dreams, the more my mind runs away with different "meanings" and such. So I just wake up, shake it off, kiss my hubby, and dwell on a happy future! :)
Oh, and I have recurring dreams about smoking, too. I have never smoked a day in my life, so trying to figure that out is mind-boggling!
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